Come What May, and Love It

The following are a selection of quotes from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's Conference talk in October 2008

"I think she may have meant that every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don't sing and bells don't ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result.

How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can't - at least not in the moment. I don't think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don't think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.

If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead us toward times of greatest happiness.

Learn to laugh.

It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable.

Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of out on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others.

Because Jesus Christ suffered greatly, He understands our suffering. He understands our grief. We experience hard things so that we too may have increased compassion and understanding for others.

Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome.

The third thing we can do is understand the principle of compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.

The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in."

The days that should have been your worst days, somehow turn out the best. And on the days that were supposed to be your best days, everything seems to be going wrong. I looked up a few quotes that help make our bad days good and our good days better.

"At times we may despair that our burdens are too great. When it seems that a tempest is raging in our lives, we may feel abandoned and cry out like the disciples in the storm, “Master, carest thou not that we perish?” (Mark 4:38). At such times we should remember His reply: “Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?” (v. 40)." -He Heals the Heavy Laden , Dallin H. Oaks

“When you find yourselves a little gloomy,” said President Lorenzo Snow, “look around you and find somebody that is in a worse plight than yourself; go to him and find out what the trouble is, then try to remove it with the wisdom which the Lord bestows upon you; and the first thing you know, your gloom is gone, you feel light, the Spirit of the Lord is upon you, and everything seems illuminated.”

There are times when you simply have to righteously hang on and outlast the devil until his depressive spirit leaves you. As the Lord told the Prophet Joseph Smith: “Thine adversity and thine afflictions, shall be but a small moment; “And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high.” (D&C 121:7–8.)

While you are going through your trial, you can recall your past victories and count the blessings that you do have with a sure hope of greater ones to follow if you are faithful. And you can have that certain knowledge that in due time God will wipe away all tears and that “eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” (1 Cor. 2:9.)

Let your minds be filled with the goal of being like the Lord, and you will crowd out depressing thoughts as you anxiously seek to know him and do his will.

...the devil’s designs of despair, discouragement, depression, and despondency can be defeated in a dozen ways, namely: repentance, prayer, service, work, health, reading, blessings, fasting, friends, music, endurance, and goals. -Do Not Despair, Ezra Taft Benson

What Thinks Christ of Me?

Selections from Neil L Andersen's talk in April 2012.

Wherever you now find yourself on the road of discipleship, you are on the right road, the road toward eternal life. Together we can lift and strengthen one another in the great and important days ahead. Whatever the difficulties confronting us, the weaknesses confining us, or the impossibilities surrounding us, let us have faith in the Son of God, who declared, “All things are possible to him that believeth.”

Jesus told the leader of the synagogue, “Be not afraid, only believe.” Discipleship is believing Him in seasons of peace and believing Him in seasons of difficulty, when our pain and fear are calmed only by the conviction that He loves us and keeps His promises.

At times we thoughtfully wonder why the miracle we have so earnestly prayed for does not happen here and now. But as we trust in the Savior, promised miracles will occur. Whether in this life or the next, all will be made right. The Savior declares: “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

I testify that as you love Him, trust Him, believe Him, and follow Him, you will feel His love and approval. As you ask, “What thinks Christ of me?” you will know that you are His disciple; you are His friend. By His grace He will do for you what you cannot do for yourself.

I say a prayer for someone else

And my prayer is answered.

My soul yearns for the wish of my heart

To be granted

And I’m denied. Why.

There is no spoken answer

But I feel like He just hasn’t answered me yet.

Someday will be my day for my faith

To be enough.

I’m waiting for my

Answers to prayer. I wait

For it somewhat impatiently.

I still wait, because it will be answered,

As long as I believe and do

As I was foreordained to do.

My words of advice:

Read your scriptures in the morning

Stay close to the spirit and

Talk with your Father and your Savior

Whenever you have anything that bothers you

He will help you overcome it.

The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set.

-James Allen

Dateless and Dealing

There is a quote by Thomas S. Monson that goes something like, "When we compare ourselves to others we become either bitter or vain". I think of this quote whenever I compare myself with others and I try to analyse which one I become... And I never know. I guess I think of it as contrasting more than comparing. I contrast other people's social life to mine and mine is looking like wimpy yellow sprigs grass contrasted with their luscious green lawn that would have been in the Garden of Eden.

Questions start to run through my mind, for example. Why? Is there a reason for my dateless state? I start to ask myself other questions after these.  Like is there something wrong with me? Do I smell? Am I pretty enough? Am I smart enough? Do I annoy people? Just because I'm not a social butterfly doesn't mean I should be dateless right? But all my supposed answers to these questions seem to make my opinion of myself sour. There has to be something wrong with me right? Would you say that there is something wrong with me, because I’m dateless? Would you say there is something wrong with you because you’re dateless? I don’t think so, and actually I know that that isn’t true!

 When I answer the questions above, I usually blow them off right away because it is preposterous! Who is going to say that something is wrong with me? Who is going to say, "Hey girl, you just ain't smart enough for me!" or “Girl, you is fat and ugly”? If someone said that we wouldn't take that sitting down! We would know he was wrong. And we would want to punch him in the nose or at least pray for his soul because when God hears what he said He is going to be mad at him! Anyway, sometimes it is a lot harder to shut down these destructive thoughts if they are more subtle and not as pronounced. If we don't notice them for what they are they are going to eat at us and we are going to start to believe them. We have to be convinced of own self-worth and of our potential.  And we have to keep positive thoughts running into our heads. We need to do things because they will make us feel good or better about ourselves.  And keep shooting down those negative thoughts with the precision of a sniper.

                The following is a few excerpts from a talk entitled, “Your Happily Ever After” given by Dieter F. Uchtdorf in the April 2010 Ensign. At the end I will post a link so you can go directly to the talk and read and/or listen to the whole thing.

“In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy……

It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.

There are those among you who, although young, have already suffered a full measure of grief and sorrow. My heart is filled with compassion and love for you. How dear you are to the Church. How beloved you are of your Heavenly Father. Though it may seem that you are alone, angels attend you. Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands. He suffered more than we can possibly imagine, and He did it for us; He did it for you. You are not alone.

If you ever feel your burden is too great to bear, lift your heart to your Heavenly Father, and He will uphold and bless you. He says to you, as He said to Joseph Smith, “[Your] adversity and [your] afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if [you] endure it well, God shall exalt [you] on high.”

Enduring adversity is not the only thing you must do to experience a happy life. Let me repeat: how you react to adversity and temptation is a critical factor in whether or not you arrive at your own “happily ever after.”…….

                I understand that, at times, some may wonder why they attend Church meetings or why it is so important to read the scriptures regularly or pray to our Heavenly Father daily. Here is my answer: You do these things because they are part of God’s path for you. And that path will take you to your “happily ever after” destination…….

                My dear young sisters—you who stand for truth and righteousness, you who seek goodness, you who have entered the waters of baptism and walk in the ways of the Lord—our Father in Heaven has promised that you will “mount up with wings as eagles; [you] shall run, and not be weary; and [you] shall walk, and not faint.”  You “shall not be deceived.”  God will bless and prosper you.  “The gates of hell shall not prevail against you; … and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good, and his name’s glory.”

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-young-women-meeting/2010/03/your-happily-ever-after?lang=eng

Book Addiction

I couldn’t stop to go to bed. I’d be angry or irritable whenever interrupted. I’d hide from people. I was reclusive. My happiness depended more on it. I was rejecting my agency and let an author who didn’t know me dictate my emotions.

I was addicted to books. My books were prison my guards, my jailors. They dictated when I could sleep and eat. They put me in solitary confinement. I felt so alone.  So I turned to my jailors even more. It made me feel almost completely empty inside. I was a stomach that no amount of food could fill.

My drug of choice one night was a novel titled, No Longer Strangers by Rachel Ann Nunes. My lamplight had been blazing for more than six hours.  My eyelids were heavy, but I’d just rub them a little and keep reading. I’d stayed up until about five o’clock AM. The book wasn’t even enjoyable anymore but I just kept reading. At the time I didn’t think of it as an addiction. I mean people get addicted to drugs and food and alcohol and shopping. Who in their right mind would get addicted to books? Well, I did. I needed to read. I couldn’t stop easily.

I have no idea how it started or when exactly it ended, my addiction with books, with novels. Actually it wasn’t just any books. It was particularly romance novels, LDS romance novels. These are novels that you’d think would be filled with happiness and love and they pretty much are, but they are mostly about people with major sorrows overcoming them and finding true love in the end.  And I mean the end. Reading about real people being depressed or really really sad is depressing! Well here I was chugging down story after story of some depressed person who found their happily ever after but it took what? A whole two hundred pages to get there! And when I finally got my high the book would be over and I’d need a new one. For this addiction were there withdrawals? If you consider needing another dose right after it to keep my mood up because it didn’t last long to begin with, then yeah, there are withdrawals. But if I didn’t have another book I could survive until one landed in front of my willing eyes.

                I sometimes would skim the books I was thinking of reading so I’d know if it would fill my craving or not. I skimmed a book where the girl had a twin. Her twin died, she got into drugs and alcohol, had a baby, then the baby’s father accidentally killed the baby. She was depressed the whole book. Finally near the end she met up with some LDS missionaries who shared with her what they knew to be true of there being life after death and there being a Savior. She then converted but she was persecuted for being “bad” before she converted by another Latter-Day-Saint who was jealous of her. She’d fallen in love with one of the missionaries who shared the gospel with her and it was going to be almost the most depressing book of all time! Up until the last few pages it was still depressing, so of course I chose not to read it all the way through. Those kinds of books wouldn’t help me feel better at all.  

There are a multitude of reasons for a person to become addicted to something but the main reason would be that that something is addicting. It made the person feel, and normally that feeling is a good feeling or in other words a high. So according to my own definition you could assume that the books I read were making me high or giving me a good feeling. The only problem with this conclusion is that they did but only until I compared the happiness the characters were feeling to myself and became even more depressed because fake people had real relationships with people. Relationships with people are what make life interesting, enjoyable and not enjoyable, easier and harder, but especially interesting. That is what is unique about book addictions compared to other addictions. Shoes can’t smile or laugh or cry. A cigarette isn’t going to yell at you. And no drink is going to fall in love. When you read a book you can imagine the people in them. You can imagine them having emotions and you relate. Because I spent all my time reading about fake people and substantially less time with real people I had few strong relationships with actual people. And all I could talk to people about were the books I’d read because that is all I’d been doing. And that is just sad.

Addictions steal your agency. You forfeited the ability to choose for yourself. You became weak, and that addiction now rules your life. It is your king. The only way to get rid of it is to choose, or cause, anarchy. Replace your addiction with things in your life that you actually want.

I chose one day to just stop, to stop reading books. And now I’m in rehabilitation. But I am starting to read books again, in moderation.